farmdoc's blog post number 25

Throughout my childhood and adolescence, and even well into adulthood, I didn’t have a well developed sense of self. Rather I formed my perception of who I was, by how others in my life behaved towards me and reacted to what I said and did. Maybe that’s why I was a mischievous and impudent little lad. Nowadays my sense of self is better developed. About twenty years ago I started to see myself more clearly, and this process accelerated about twelve years ago after I was orphaned. But the interesting and perhaps paradoxical thing is that even though currently my sense of self is the clearest it’s ever been, I still sometimes feel the need to measure myself against externalities. For example I keep a close eye on the types of men my daughters are attracted to. (And I must say: so far, so good.) Then last Tuesday my Canadian friends telephoned seeking my thoughts on an Ottawan real estate dilemma they were agonising over. After our half-hour discussion, they told me I was dispassionate, logical and helpful; they were much closer to a decision; and they were grateful. I was pleased – because apparently I had helped dear friends, and they could have called anyone but they called me.